i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
