I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize