Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
