Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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