oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
