Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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