no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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