still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
