we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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