Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
