I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
