You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
