Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
