I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
