respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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