Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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