And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
