Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
