As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
