you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
