It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
