i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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