he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
