also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
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Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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