He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
