Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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