upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
