no, he came in my armpit
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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