He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
