i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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