I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
