I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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