Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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