sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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