I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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