my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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