If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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