Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
