and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize