are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
