pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
