Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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