the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
