bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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