when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
