heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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