Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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