You're so nebulous sometimes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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