I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
