That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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