Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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