Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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