Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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