so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
