Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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