Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
