She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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