I could make wine with my vomit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
