I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
