you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
