we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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