All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
