She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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