id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
