we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
