we have officially lost it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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