so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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