If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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